Monday, June 2, 2008

Short Jokes

Two nudists got divorced because they were seeing too much of each other.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..

The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months.


Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!

"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass."

A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows

Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!

Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!

What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".

A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother".

Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age...

What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

A good friend is like a computer I 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!

sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker

Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist!

When in life, you wake up n you don't see anyone, then come to me. I will be there to take you to an eye specialist!

r mosquitoes religious? Yes They first sing over u & then prey on you

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.