Saturday, June 14, 2008

HOT & FUNNY SHORT JOKES

A girl says to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. The
guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex? He replied:
Depends, if I can find a phone.
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Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with? Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
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A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body? He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your
sense of humor.
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AND THE WINNER IS: Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and
exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I advised? Lady:
Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.

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Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?

A: Because he left a residue at every pole.


The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"


Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?
Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby!
Young Man: I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant.


Have you heard about this boy who could think of nothing but girls, girls and more girls? However, he has outgrown it. Now all he thinks of is women.


If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No
Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
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A man and his wife were in bed and the man farts. His wife looks over at him and asks "What was that?" To which her husband replies "We are playing Football. It's 7 to nothing."

After a while the wife farts. "Ha! it's now 7 to 7."

So the husband gets a big fart brewing and lets it rip and in the process he shits in the bed.

The wife asks "Did you score again?"

"Nope, that's the gun for halftime. Switch sides."

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There was a little boy who saw his momma fixing to take a bath. He asks her mommy can i take a bath with u, she says yes as long as u dont look under the bubbles. He looks up and says what are those she says those are my "Headlights" he looks under the bubbles and says what is that and she says that is my "garage". The next night his daddy takes a bath and he also asks him if he can take one too. He says yes as long as he doesnt look under the bubbles. The little boy disobeys once again and asks what it was. His dad replies that is my "Limosine" That same night when it is time for bed that little boy asks if he can sleep with his parents. They say yes as long as he keeps his head above the covers. So he looks (not suprising) and yells "Mommy turn on your "headlights", Daddy’s trying to stick his "limosine" in your "garage".

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Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
**********

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

**********

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

**********
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

**********

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

**********

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"
**********

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: " Billionaire"

**********

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha

**********

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.



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