MORE HUMOUR JOKES FOR YOU

Two buddies were sharing drinks in Murphy's bar while discussing their wives.

"Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."

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An Irish man and woman are riding up in an elevator.

The man looks at the woman and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"

She replies, "Hell no!"

The man says, "Well, it must be your feet then."

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As an Dublin hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked,

"Have you just got out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"
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hree Irish guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting;

"Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says;

"I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces;

"Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

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Hung Chow calls AIB where he works and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach-ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
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An Irish man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
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One day an Irish grandpa says to grandma "Why don't we go to the B&B like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?"

So they get to the B&B and go into the room.

Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up.

In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed.

She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up (it’s been awhile).

Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.

Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way.

"My God woman" he says, "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!"

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Paddy was rambling through a crowded street fair when he
decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table.

Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I
can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paddy readily agreed and the reader took one look at his
open palm and said, "I can see that you have no
girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paddy.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paddy shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can
you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

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Paddy goes to see the doctor, because he's a little too well-endowed. In fact, it's 25 inches long and he can't get any women to have sex with him.

Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but recommends a witch doctor that he thinks might be able to help.

The witch doctor takes a look at the problem and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a leprechaun that lives there. "Ask the leprechaun to marry you and each time the leprechaun says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."

Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest. He finds the pond and sees the leprechaun on the other side, sitting on a log.


"Leprechaun, will you marry me?"

The leprechaun looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."

Paddy looks down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?"

The leprechaun rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"

Zappo! -- Paddy's down to 15 inches. Well, that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Leprechaun, will you marry me?"

The irritated leprechaun yells back, "Look..how many times do I have to tell you? No, No, NO!"
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