'Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?'
'I'm in love,' replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, 'With whom?'
'With you!' he said.
'But Little Johnny,' said the teacher gently, 'don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child.'
'Oh, don't worry,' said Little Johnny reassuringly, 'I'll use a condom!'
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Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
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SEX PILLS
A lady goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. So, the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have sex. That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of sex. The next night she decided to try 4 pills and she had even better sex. Well the next night she tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So the next night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. A few weeks later her son showed up at the doctor's office and and said, "Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy? My mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and my dad's going around saying here kitty, kitty, kitty!"
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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
'Mother, where do babies come from?'
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy�s vagina. That�s how you get a baby, honey.'
The child seems to comprehend.
'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy�s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'
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A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.
Doctor: Are you married?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you masturbate?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?
Patient: No.
Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
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An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'
The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'
When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'
She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'
'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'
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A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
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Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
But my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
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A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he�s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
'Son, there�s been a bit of a mix-up,' admits the surgeon.
'I�m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.'
'What!' gasps the patient. 'You mean I�ll never experience another erection?'
'Oh, you might,' the surgeon reassures him. 'Just not yours.'
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Santa Singh was waiting eagerly as his wife was delivering a baby .It was a very long wait for him.Finally the nurse came out holding the baby in her hands.Santa Singh holds the baby and starts shouting
" OYE PUTTAR HUA HAI ".
The nurse screams in an irritated voice "LEAVE MY FINGER YOU FOOL"
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