Sex is a MORE touchy subject, so we used a hands-on approach. We tried to keep it clean.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate.She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"
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The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex. The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.
They're going to be called.... "Pre-dick-a-mints."
-------------------------------
The Rotary Club asked a minister to come and talk to them about sex. The minister had never talked about sex before an audience and he was embarrassed, so he told his wife he was going to talk about boating. A couple days later, a Rotarian bumped into the minister's wife and he said, "Your husband gave a wonderful talk at the Rotary Club." She said, "You know, I'm really surprised. He's only done it twice. The first time, he got seasick. The second time, his hat blew off."
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Eighty-five year old woman: I'm going to marry a twenty-five year old man.
Her daughter: Mom these May and December romances, it could be fatal, you know.
The mother: So, if he dies, he dies."
---------------------------------------
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
--------------------------
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
----------------------------
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.'
The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?'
'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'
One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.'
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?'
'Didn't feel a thing!'
***********************************************************************************
------------------------------------
The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex. The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.
They're going to be called.... "Pre-dick-a-mints."
-------------------------------
The Rotary Club asked a minister to come and talk to them about sex. The minister had never talked about sex before an audience and he was embarrassed, so he told his wife he was going to talk about boating. A couple days later, a Rotarian bumped into the minister's wife and he said, "Your husband gave a wonderful talk at the Rotary Club." She said, "You know, I'm really surprised. He's only done it twice. The first time, he got seasick. The second time, his hat blew off."
-----------------------------
Eighty-five year old woman: I'm going to marry a twenty-five year old man.
Her daughter: Mom these May and December romances, it could be fatal, you know.
The mother: So, if he dies, he dies."
---------------------------------------
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"
--------------------------
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."
----------------------------
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.'
The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?'
'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'
One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.'
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?'
'Didn't feel a thing!'
***********************************************************************************
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