A cloud.
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem
What problem?
What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date!
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
What is green and smells?
Hulk's fart.
Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper.
Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We're in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY."
Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it".
Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window.
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.
How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.
I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
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